WHAT LITTLE SANDRA READ
PART TWO - Sandra at Twelve
These are the works I discovered upon entering puberty. The first time in my life I spent Swedish winters and Christmases, and came more into contact with my other country's culture, history, and literature.
I also discovered symphonic rock, by the way, which still has a profound impact on me.
But I am not including any Norse myths, for that would take up a whole volume on the subject, and especially on how much Loki came to mean to me ;)
It will suffice, however, to recap how I was introduced to Norse myths at this stage of my life:
When I was a child, my dad read Andersen stories and Norse myths to me. The myths were from a book called Bland gudar och jättar (Among Gods and Giants), an illustrated storybook. I immediately fell for Loki: whether leaving Thor's wife Siv like Sinéad O'Connor, turning into a mare to seduce a giant stallion and birthing a pretty unusual colt months later... Loki, the enfant terrible of the Valhalla, had a profound impact on me. So I will only give you a taste or two of Norse myths. A taste of Loki and then a taste of Odin:
As I have said before, when my dad first read Norse myths to me, I immediately fell for Loki: whether leaving Thor's wife Siv like Sinéad O'Connor, turning into a mare to seduce a giant stallion and birthing a pretty unusual colt months later... Loki, the enfant terrible of the Valhalla, had a profound impact on me. Yet the most outrageous thing he ever did I learned not from Bland gudar och jättar, but from the Swedish radio show Friggs rike (Frigga's Realm), targeting a more adult demographic. It was the episode from the Skadi story that did not appear in my Norse myth storybook. Never had I heard of Loki doing anything more spaced out. And Skadi is one of the most badass female characters in mythology I know, a warrior woman so cool and strong, whose name means literally "Hurt" ("skada" in Swedish, "Schade" in German), so this story is sure to be awesome...
In storms the giantess Skadi Thiassisdaughter into the Valhalla. Armed to the teeth, with her bow and arrows and her battle axe. White and foaming with rage. The gods have burned her father to a crisp, and she thirsts for revenge.
"Keep calm," Odin says, then tries to appease her by saying that they will make up for her late dad by offering one of them as a spouse to her.
Nearly all hot gods are married. And nearly all single gods are faulty. There is only one eligible bachelor among the Aesir, and it's Balder. Skadi has locked her target already. Yet Odin knows that he is not the perfect match for her, so he tells the young giantess she will be the one to choose her husband, but on one condition: that she has to pick by only looking at her suitors' feet.
As she closes her eyes not to see where each of them places himself, all the single gods arrange themselves in line, barefooted, behind a curtain. Skadi, when she is finally allowed to open her eyes, picks the best-looking pair of feet.
It turns out that it's a match far worse than Balder she has chosen: Njord, the god of the seaside, far older than she, who lives on the coast where the air reeks of algae and the seagulls squawk night and day. Skadi, a mountain-maiden through and through, is not amused. So she offers the gods a condition of her own: she will marry Njord only if the gods succeed in making her laugh. And she has not laughed since her childhood. (Now comes the bit that is censored in children's storybooks.)
The gods try everything: jokes, making faces, tickling... to no avail. In the end, it is Loki's turn. Surprisingly (and you know how unpredictable Loki is), he asks for a rope and one of Thor's billy goats. Once he has got both the rope and the goat (the myth does not specify whether it was Gnasher or Grinder), Loki ties one end of the rope to its goatee, then lowers his trousers (in front of the entire court of the gods!) and ties the other end around his own family jewels. The most painful, unusual, and outrageous tug of war I've ever heard of ensues. Loki must be in searing pain, at least wincing, maybe screaming like a banshee. And Skadi begins to giggle, to chortle, then bursts out into a hearty laugh when the trickster falls into her lap, having lost the tug of war.
Thus, she has no other choice than to marry Njord. Theirs is a short-lived marriage, dissolving after about a fortnight to live separate ways as divorcés due to irreconcilable differences. But I'm sure Skadi never forgot everything that Loki did to her (he even caused her father's death and started it all, in the first place). Thus, it came as no surprise that the gods, when they decided to smite Loki for all his evil deeds, chose Skadi to be his executioner. And she made sure the trickster would be in pain within the end of times: turning his two legitimate sons into direwolves and pitching them against one another, she then took Vali's and Narve's guts and used them for chains to bind Loki to a cliffside, then placed a poison snake above his head, dripping venom on the trickster and making him wince and writhe in endless searing pain (of course Loki's wife gathered the venom in a bowl, but, when it ran over, she emptied it pouring all the lethal liquid on her husband...). Indeed, Skadi was really schadenfroh, or "skadeglad," as it would be in Swedish....
Another R-rated Norse myth I got to know was the story of the Mead of Poetry, in a teenager book of myths from across cultures (Norse, Classical, Hindu, East Asian, Egyptian...) called En klunk av Kvasers blod (One Draught of Kvasir's Blood), by Sweden's leading oral narrator Mats Rehnman. The titular story is a feast of gore, intoxication, and steaminess my dad kept me from reading when I was a little girl, but I managed to read it in secret, once, during his absence. It begins with the two clans of gods signing a peace treaty and ends with Odin's unorthodox Promethean gift of inspiration to humankind.
So, to begin with the peace treaty: the Aesir and the Vanir, grown weary of years of war, gather to put an end to the armed conflict. And how do Norse gods sign a peace treaty? They all pass a bowl to one another and spit into it. When all the gods have mixed their fluids in the peace bowl, the froth begins to rise and take human shape. The figure born from the spit of the gods, Kvasir, is the most clever and learned of all sapients. He wanders through Midgard from village to village, sharing his infinite store of knowledge with humankind. But when he reaches Svartheim, the Home of the Dwarves, twin dwarf chiefs Fjalar and Galar, incensed by his words, crack Kvasir's skull open and drain his lifeless form of blood, then mix it with honey and store it in barrels in their cellars to create mead: honey beer. There is enough mead to fill three barrels, which the dwarves call Reconciliation, Acceptance, and Ecstasy. The Mead of Poetry is so strong a drink (stronger than Russian vodka?) that the drinkers who hold it become infused with Kvasir's knowledge and creativity. The Mead of Poetry is liquid inspiration. And Fjalar and Galar hoard it, deciding to take a sip every now and then. Until the drink goes to their little heads and inspires them to march on the Jotunheim (Giant-Home), where they manage to drown a married couple of giants. Their victims' orphaned children, however, do not hesitate to take a stand, and thus, the boldest of them, Suttung, captures the dwarves and puts them on a rocky islet in the middle of the ocean; a rock that, when the tide rises, is completely submerged underwater. At twilight, as highwater closes in, Fjalar and Galar pray for mercy and promise Suttung all three kegs of the Mead of Poetry as a fine to pay for having killed his parents. As soon as he puts them back on the mainland, they fulfill their promise. Suttung, once in possession of the mead, keeps it stored in a sealed ice cave, with his stepdaughter Gunnlaud shut in there, all alone without any distractions, to keep her eyes upon the prized treasure. Yes, there are no social services in the Jotunheim...
Now Odin himself, by chance, hears of the Mead of Poetry. And Odin, like me, thirsts constantly for knowledge. Having sacrificed his left eye and hung upside-down from Yggdrasil is not enough for him: he wants to drink the Mead as well...
Into the fields of Suttung's more sensible brother Baugi, during harvest time, wanders a weary drifter with a patch over his left eye. He offers the reaping farmhands a whetstone to sharpen their scythes, and the blades become so sharp that all of the reapers, fighting for possession of the whetstone, kill one another. Then, the one-eyed stranger offers his services to Baugi, impressing the landowner, since the stranger is strong and fast as nine men in one. When the harvest ends (within three days, that's how skilful he is), the drifter demands the Mead of Poetry in payment for his services. "You are Suttung's brother, after all..." After some well-deserved coaxing, Baugi takes up a drill and begins to bore through the door of the ice cave. When the hole is finished, the stranger (Odin, if you hadn't realized) turns into a one-eyed serpent and slithers into the cavern. Then, in the form of a dashing young man with a patch over his left eye, he approaches Gunnlaud, who is ecstatic to finally have some company. And that night, he deflowers her. The two of them manage to strike a deal: for each night of pleasure that Odin spends with the young giantess, the price will be a draught of the precious Mead. Three nights of love later, on the fourth day, quaffing Russian style, he drains each of the three kegs at one fell swoop (man, so much lovemaking makes one really thirsty...), then escapes through the hole in the shape of an eagle, with an infuriated Suttung, also in predatory avian form, hot on his talons. Thus, to fly lighter and easier, Odin drains himself of the Mead at both ends. Some of it falls into Midgard as eagle spew, and some as eagle poo. And, anywhere the Mead falls in either form, culture, knowledge, and creativity thrive among humankind, as a gift from the one-eyed god.
After so much violence, we may kind of tone down with some more innocent children's stories. Not only by Andersen, but also expurgated without any blood or guts. Yet, to quote Andersen and C.S. Lewis, these stories are not only for children, but also for reading adults to awaken... Shall we?
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When I was eight, in the year 2000, my dad gave me an ad usum adaptation (without any blood or guts) of Andersen's most famous stories (The Firelighter, The Little Mermaid, The Christmas Tree, The Ugly Duckling, The Tin Soldier, The Princess and the Pea...), illustrated by Cathie Shuttleworth. The translation, however, was not faithful to Nicola Baxter's source text, but a more or less free retelling by a Swedish translator called Ingrid Warne.
At a whopping sixteen pages long (the length of the longest story she had read for an eight-year-old!), the ad usum Snow Queen in this compilation was, together with Norse myths starring Loki, shonen anime like One Piece, Genesis's Nursery Cryme and Foxtrot, and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here, one of the works that shaped my tweenage years for reads and re-reads.
This is my English translation from Warne's Swedish of the Snow Queen in that collection. Together with the Lev Atamanov film, which I saw for the first time at Club Super 3 around the same year, it was my childhood introduction to this tale.
And thus, without further ado, I am proud to introduce:
THE SNOW QUEEN
Translated from the Swedish child-friendly adaptation by Ingrid Warne
into English by Sandra Dermark
(With vintage illustrations by Elizabeth Ellender)
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0.
Maybe the secret of Andersen stories is that they he writes as if he were speaking out loud. Through this orality, we can hear his voice between the lines, how he tells his tales to friends, to little children.
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In their original form, Andersen's tales are often very long and a little complicated when it comes to language; they can be incredibly sorrowful and sometimes even gory. Here, they have been retold and adapted with a careful hand. The gore and the tragedy have been toned down, and thus, these stories can also be told to, and read by, the youngest audiences.
I.
First, you ought to know a little about this wicked sorcerer and his mirror. In that mirror, everything turned hideous and frightening, and, if someone smiled at their own reflection, the only thing that could be seen was a sinister Cheshire-Cat grin. When people looked into the sorcerer's mirror, they said: "Ewww, how ugly and how wretched everything is! It does not pay at all to be kind..."
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One day, the mirror shattered. The shards flew over the whole wide world and lodged in human eyes, where they warped the sight of their victims. But no one could even feel that they had got such a shard in one eye, since the shards were so tiny. All they could notice was that the world around them had turned so hideous and filthy... Several shards lodged within human hearts, that instantly froze to ice. Nevermore could anyone feel any hope or joy.
II.
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In those days, there lived two children, each one in a garret, their windows opposite one another, high above their bustling street. They had the custom of waving at each other across the street. Outside the windows, upon the sills, there were two large planter boxes, where, for three quarters of the year, roses bloomed and sweetpeas entwined, and, since their respective homes were so close to one another, the children frequently climbed over and across these boxes, like a suspended bridge, whenever the girl visited the boy's place or vice versa. Her name was Gerda, and his name was Kai.
In winter, their parents took the planter boxes indoors, and thus, Gerda and Kai had to run down all the stairs, and then up all the stairs across the street, if one of them wanted to visit the other. Sometimes, the snow whirled around the corners, and sometimes, little white snowflakes danced around.
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"You do know that there is a snow queen?" asked Gerda's old grandmamma. "Try to find the biggest snowflake of them all, for that flake is the Snow Queen."
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Later the same evening, when Kai was going to bed, he walked to the window and peered out. Right then, he saw a large snowflake that alighted upright upon the windowsill. As Kai stood there watching, the flake began to grow into a most beautiful lady in white. Her icy blue eyes glittered like stars, and her whole self shone with a strange, cold light.
Kai immediately understood that it was the Snow Queen. She was the loveliest sight he had ever seen, but, when she waved at him, he was frightened by the piercing cold look in her eyes. He turned his back to the windows and curled up in his warm bed. Right as he pulled the cover over his head, a dark shadow flew by outside the window.
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The next day, when Kai was playing with Gerda as usual, he let out a scream of pain. "My heart is hurting so much..." he groaned, wincing "And my left eye as well."
Little to nothing could Kai know about the fact that a mirror shard had just lodged in his heart, and another, a splinter, in one of his eyes.
"Does it hurt much?" asked little Gerda in a friendly tone.
"Don't stand there gawking and looking at me like that!" Kai sneered. "Besides, I don't want to play with you anymore. You are stupid."
"But we were about to look at my new storybook," said an astonished Gerda.
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"Storybooks are only for babies," Kai sneered, letting some snow fall on his coattails and letting Gerda see it through his magnifying glass. "Ice crystals, on the other hand, are completely perfect. Now I'm off to the Market Square to sled."
The local bad boys found a frequent thrill in lassoing some horse-drawn carriage as they sat upon their sleds. Thus, they would set off and be pulled along through the streets at breakneck speed! As Kai was now looking around for the perfect carriage to hitch a ride on, he saw a two-horse open sleigh, pulled by two beautiful horses, in the middle of the Market Square. "That's the sleigh that shall pull me," Kai thought. And thus, he lassoed that carriage, and the sleigh set forth with such tremendous power that Kai was pulled off his sled, and had to cling to the back of the seat, behind the driver.
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Out of town the carriage drove, and the snow whirled around Kai. He began to feel really frightened, but he did not even dare to let go. In the end, the sleigh stopped in the open countryside and the driver who held the reins turned around. Then, Kai saw that it was the Snow Queen.
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"Are you cold?" she asked him, stealing from him a kiss that erased all his remembrance of the past. "Come and sit here by my side and wrap my fur coat around you..." The Snow Queen was lovelier than ever before. Kai felt no longer afraid when the sleigh picked up speed once more and literally flew forth over the sparkling snow. High up in the sky twinkled the stars.
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III.
But at home, little Gerda went about and mourned her playmate. Where could Kai have gone? People said that he was most likely dead, but Gerda refused to believe something that dreadful. As soon as springtime came, she donned her brand new red shoes and went forth to look for her missing friend.
Soon, she came to a wonderful orchard, where cherry trees stood in full bloom among the quaint little cottages. One of the doors opened, and there stood an old lady in a flowered straw hat. Her smile was so friendly that Gerda could not resist telling her about Kai, and how he had vanished without a trace.
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"I have not seen him," the old lady said, "but most surely he will drop by around here, sooner or later. Why not stay here and wait for him?"
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The old lady had, for a long long time, wished for a sweet little girl to call her own. Now, she let Gerda play in the beautiful orchard all springtime and summer long, but she took the care to wish all the roses away; otherwise, the girl would sadly be seized with homesickness, the old lady thought.
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But she had forgotten the roses that decorated her hat! One lovely day, Gerda took a look at it. "Oh, no!" she gasped. "It will soon be autumn, and I have wasted all the springtime and summer away. I forgot why I once ventured out into the wide world... It was to look for Kai!"
And, without even donning her red shoes, she hastened away from the beautiful orchard. On she walked and walked.
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IV.
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Soon, her feet were sore, and she sat down for a rest. Then, a crow swooped down in front of her and began to peck the seeds on the ground.
Gerda asked the crow if he had seen Kai.
"Maybe I could," the crow began. "But he has forgotten you. All he can think of now is the princess."
And thus, he began to explain. The princess of the kingdom where Gerda and the crow were at the moment was very clever and learned. When she had read all the books in the castle library, she decided to look for someone she could marry. But it had not to be a twit at all!
The princess had an announcement printed in the press, and soon the castle courtyard was full of suitors, each one brighter than the other. But when they at last stood before the princess, they were so impressed both by her and by the golden throne she sat upon that they could not even breathe a word.
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But one day, there came a boy who was neither afraid of the princess nor of her great fortune. He began a lively conversation with her about everything that she was interested in.
"Of course it was Kai!" Gerda gasped. "Now I must get to the castle and try to reach him there. But how could we do it?"
"I shall see what I can do," the crow promised before he flew away. In the evening, he returned: "My fiancée, the princess's pet who lives at the castle, will let us in through the back door."
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Gerda hastened to the royal castle, where the fiancée crow really stood there waiting by the back door, that stood ajar. Right when Gerda was about to sneak up the spiral staircase, some soldiers passed by on horseback. But both men and horses were merely like twilight shadows. "These are dreams," the crows explained. "Things that the sleepers within the castle are dreaming of."
In the end, Gerda found the royal bedchamber. There stood two beds; in one of them lay the princess, and in the other, a head of messy hair popped up from the covers. Gerda pulled the covers off the sleeping lad. Then, she saw that it was not Kai at all, but a young prince.
Gerda began to cry with such heart-rending sobs that she woke up both the prince and the princess. They felt sorry for the little maiden and decided to help her. They promised her new shoes and a carriage of gold. Two footmen were to drive Gerda further on through her quest.
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V.
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But, as they were driving through the dark woods, some bandits attacked them and took the golden carriage.
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Maybe they should have killed Gerda, if a young girl who was part of the robber band had not pleaded and nagged for her sake. Now, she was escorted instead to their den, a crumbling old ruin.
The robber maiden had a pet reindeer, that she rode into battle and wanted Gerda to say hello to. She had expected the robber maiden's fiery steed to be a pony or a little mule instead. The reindeer didn't appear to feel at home in the robbers' den, Gerda thought.
That night, she lay and listened to the owls who roosted and hooted high up there in the rafters. And, quite unexpectedly, one of them said:
"I have seen Kai, hoot hoot! It was last winter, and he flew with the Snow Queen in her carriage!"
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"They were surely heading towards Lapland," another owl replied, "for there melts neither the snow nor the frost. Never, nevermore."
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"That's right," the reindeer joined in. "The Snow Queen has her castle there, and I know for I was born in Lapland."
The robber maiden heard the whole conversation as well, and, at the crack of dawn, she told Gerda:
"I shall set my reindeer free if he promises to carry you on his back all the way up north to Lapland." The reindeer took to high leaps of joy, and Gerda shed tears of elation. On that very same morning, she climbed up on the deer's back, and off they set forth.
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By day and by night they travelled, through deep forests and across high mountain ranges. In the end, the reindeer stopped in the middle of the tundra and said:
"All right, this is Lapland. Don't you see my wonderful Northern Lights?"
VI.
Shortly afterwards, they found a little deerskin tent where they asked to spend the night. When the Saami woman who lived in that tent heard where they were heading, she replied:
"The Snow Queen's palace? It's a long way to go, for the palace is in the Finmark, near the North Pole. But I know a wise Finmark woman who surely will help you find the way."
The next day, they set off once more. Gerda carried a letter that she was to give the Finmark woman. Inside her tent, it was warm and cozy, in spite of the snowstorm raging outside. After a while, Gerda could take off her cloak, her hat, and her shoes. Then, she gave the message to the wise woman, who read it most carefully.
"If Gerda could only do magic!" the reindeer sighed mournfully. "Then, she could have forced the Snow Queen and get Kai back..."
"Little Gerda has no need for magic," the Finmark woman replied. "She has a kind heart, and that's all she needs. Kai is happy at the Snow Queen's only because his heart is frozen. And, furthermore, there's a shard of the sorcerer's mirror in one of his eyes."
The wise woman then turned to the reindeer and resumed:
"You shall carry Gerda to the Snow Queen's garden, and leave her there, by the holly bush with red berries."
Gerda climbed once more up to the reindeer's back. She forgot her cloak, her hat, and her shoes.
The reindeer did as the wise woman had told, even if he did not like at all the idea of leaving Gerda all alone there, without any warm clothes, in the middle of the snowstorm.
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A whole regiment of snowflakes whirled around Gerda. Some of them were icy blue, with monstrous shapes, and seemed to attack her; while others were white and soft, and, as they confronted the monsters, showed her the way to follow.
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VII.
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And so Gerda came to the Snow Queen's palace, whose walls were made of driven snow and whose doors and windowpanes were of ice hardened by the north winds. Only Gerda's warm heart kept her from freezing to death. The Queen herself was nowhere to be seen, having just left her throne room to bring the winter down south again.
In a little oubliette, she finally found Kai. He walked about pushing large blocks of ice as if it were a rather meaningful duty that had been assigned to him.
"Oh, Kai!" Gerda called him.
But Kai merely kept on moving his blocks. He was as pale and frozen as a statue of ice.
Yet Gerda stormed forth towards him and clasped him in her arms. Tears of joy coursed down her cheeks and onto his chest, seeping straight into his heart and thawing the hard layer of ice.
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Outside the palace, the reindeer was waiting, and now began the long journey back home. Wherever they went, the snow melted away, and the grass and the flowers began to shoot up. They met the robber maiden on horseback, for she had emancipated herself on a quest through the wide world; she told them that the princess and her prince were travelling through foreign countries on honeymoon.
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At last, they saw their hometown before them. Kai and Gerda quickened their pace.
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It was as if time had frozen in their absence: everything in town was exactly the same. Old Grandmamma sat, as usual, by the window, sunning herself, and the planter boxes were in full bloom with roses and sweetpeas. Kai and Gerda walked up all the staircases up to their respective garrets. There, they stood, locking eyes and facing one another, high above the bustling street. Had everything that had transpired only been an unquiet dream? Anyway, here they stood now, like ever before, as warmth and sunshine and the scent of flowers pervaded everything around them, from all directions.
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Oh, hand in hand with Gwendoline,while yet our locks are gold,he'll fare among the forests green,and through the gardens old;And when, like leaves that lose their green,our gold has turned to grey,then, hand in hand with Gwendoline,he'll fade and pass away!
Andrew Lang, 1884 Oh, hand i hand med Gwendolinehan genom skogen går,som guld hans hår, så ungt hans sinnbland parkens gröna snår.När parkens grönska övergåtti grått liksom hans hårbort går han med sin Gwendoline,med hennes hand i sin. Översättning: Eva von Zweigbergk, 1960-tal As a kid, my father often sang me the Swedish translation of this little Victorian ballad. It was on a compilation of KLASSISKA SAGOR with Red Riding Hood on the cover. The Swedish version, translated by Eva von Zweigbergk, is also in the common meter or ballad meter form, making it equally singable to both "Auld Lang Syne" and "The Rains of Castamere."
THE HEROIN BABY
On a plane back to Europe from Colombia, there is a young couple with their newborn baby on the young woman's lap. When a flight attendant approaches them,
PART TWO - Sandra at Twelve
These are the works I discovered upon entering puberty. The first time in my life I spent Swedish winters and Christmases, and came more into contact with my other country's culture, history, and literature.
I also discovered symphonic rock, by the way, which still has a profound impact on me.
But I am not including any Norse myths, for that would take up a whole volume on the subject, and especially on how much Loki came to mean to me ;)
It will suffice, however, to recap how I was introduced to Norse myths at this stage of my life:
When I was a child, my dad read Andersen stories and Norse myths to me. The myths were from a book called Bland gudar och jättar (Among Gods and Giants), an illustrated storybook. I immediately fell for Loki: whether leaving Thor's wife Siv like Sinéad O'Connor, turning into a mare to seduce a giant stallion and birthing a pretty unusual colt months later... Loki, the enfant terrible of the Valhalla, had a profound impact on me. So I will only give you a taste or two of Norse myths. A taste of Loki and then a taste of Odin:
As I have said before, when my dad first read Norse myths to me, I immediately fell for Loki: whether leaving Thor's wife Siv like Sinéad O'Connor, turning into a mare to seduce a giant stallion and birthing a pretty unusual colt months later... Loki, the enfant terrible of the Valhalla, had a profound impact on me. Yet the most outrageous thing he ever did I learned not from Bland gudar och jättar, but from the Swedish radio show Friggs rike (Frigga's Realm), targeting a more adult demographic. It was the episode from the Skadi story that did not appear in my Norse myth storybook. Never had I heard of Loki doing anything more spaced out. And Skadi is one of the most badass female characters in mythology I know, a warrior woman so cool and strong, whose name means literally "Hurt" ("skada" in Swedish, "Schade" in German), so this story is sure to be awesome...
In storms the giantess Skadi Thiassisdaughter into the Valhalla. Armed to the teeth, with her bow and arrows and her battle axe. White and foaming with rage. The gods have burned her father to a crisp, and she thirsts for revenge.
"Keep calm," Odin says, then tries to appease her by saying that they will make up for her late dad by offering one of them as a spouse to her.
Nearly all hot gods are married. And nearly all single gods are faulty. There is only one eligible bachelor among the Aesir, and it's Balder. Skadi has locked her target already. Yet Odin knows that he is not the perfect match for her, so he tells the young giantess she will be the one to choose her husband, but on one condition: that she has to pick by only looking at her suitors' feet.
As she closes her eyes not to see where each of them places himself, all the single gods arrange themselves in line, barefooted, behind a curtain. Skadi, when she is finally allowed to open her eyes, picks the best-looking pair of feet.
It turns out that it's a match far worse than Balder she has chosen: Njord, the god of the seaside, far older than she, who lives on the coast where the air reeks of algae and the seagulls squawk night and day. Skadi, a mountain-maiden through and through, is not amused. So she offers the gods a condition of her own: she will marry Njord only if the gods succeed in making her laugh. And she has not laughed since her childhood. (Now comes the bit that is censored in children's storybooks.)
The gods try everything: jokes, making faces, tickling... to no avail. In the end, it is Loki's turn. Surprisingly (and you know how unpredictable Loki is), he asks for a rope and one of Thor's billy goats. Once he has got both the rope and the goat (the myth does not specify whether it was Gnasher or Grinder), Loki ties one end of the rope to its goatee, then lowers his trousers (in front of the entire court of the gods!) and ties the other end around his own family jewels. The most painful, unusual, and outrageous tug of war I've ever heard of ensues. Loki must be in searing pain, at least wincing, maybe screaming like a banshee. And Skadi begins to giggle, to chortle, then bursts out into a hearty laugh when the trickster falls into her lap, having lost the tug of war.
Thus, she has no other choice than to marry Njord. Theirs is a short-lived marriage, dissolving after about a fortnight to live separate ways as divorcés due to irreconcilable differences. But I'm sure Skadi never forgot everything that Loki did to her (he even caused her father's death and started it all, in the first place). Thus, it came as no surprise that the gods, when they decided to smite Loki for all his evil deeds, chose Skadi to be his executioner. And she made sure the trickster would be in pain within the end of times: turning his two legitimate sons into direwolves and pitching them against one another, she then took Vali's and Narve's guts and used them for chains to bind Loki to a cliffside, then placed a poison snake above his head, dripping venom on the trickster and making him wince and writhe in endless searing pain (of course Loki's wife gathered the venom in a bowl, but, when it ran over, she emptied it pouring all the lethal liquid on her husband...). Indeed, Skadi was really schadenfroh, or "skadeglad," as it would be in Swedish....
Another R-rated Norse myth I got to know was the story of the Mead of Poetry, in a teenager book of myths from across cultures (Norse, Classical, Hindu, East Asian, Egyptian...) called En klunk av Kvasers blod (One Draught of Kvasir's Blood), by Sweden's leading oral narrator Mats Rehnman. The titular story is a feast of gore, intoxication, and steaminess my dad kept me from reading when I was a little girl, but I managed to read it in secret, once, during his absence. It begins with the two clans of gods signing a peace treaty and ends with Odin's unorthodox Promethean gift of inspiration to humankind.
So, to begin with the peace treaty: the Aesir and the Vanir, grown weary of years of war, gather to put an end to the armed conflict. And how do Norse gods sign a peace treaty? They all pass a bowl to one another and spit into it. When all the gods have mixed their fluids in the peace bowl, the froth begins to rise and take human shape. The figure born from the spit of the gods, Kvasir, is the most clever and learned of all sapients. He wanders through Midgard from village to village, sharing his infinite store of knowledge with humankind. But when he reaches Svartheim, the Home of the Dwarves, twin dwarf chiefs Fjalar and Galar, incensed by his words, crack Kvasir's skull open and drain his lifeless form of blood, then mix it with honey and store it in barrels in their cellars to create mead: honey beer. There is enough mead to fill three barrels, which the dwarves call Reconciliation, Acceptance, and Ecstasy. The Mead of Poetry is so strong a drink (stronger than Russian vodka?) that the drinkers who hold it become infused with Kvasir's knowledge and creativity. The Mead of Poetry is liquid inspiration. And Fjalar and Galar hoard it, deciding to take a sip every now and then. Until the drink goes to their little heads and inspires them to march on the Jotunheim (Giant-Home), where they manage to drown a married couple of giants. Their victims' orphaned children, however, do not hesitate to take a stand, and thus, the boldest of them, Suttung, captures the dwarves and puts them on a rocky islet in the middle of the ocean; a rock that, when the tide rises, is completely submerged underwater. At twilight, as highwater closes in, Fjalar and Galar pray for mercy and promise Suttung all three kegs of the Mead of Poetry as a fine to pay for having killed his parents. As soon as he puts them back on the mainland, they fulfill their promise. Suttung, once in possession of the mead, keeps it stored in a sealed ice cave, with his stepdaughter Gunnlaud shut in there, all alone without any distractions, to keep her eyes upon the prized treasure. Yes, there are no social services in the Jotunheim...
Now Odin himself, by chance, hears of the Mead of Poetry. And Odin, like me, thirsts constantly for knowledge. Having sacrificed his left eye and hung upside-down from Yggdrasil is not enough for him: he wants to drink the Mead as well...
Into the fields of Suttung's more sensible brother Baugi, during harvest time, wanders a weary drifter with a patch over his left eye. He offers the reaping farmhands a whetstone to sharpen their scythes, and the blades become so sharp that all of the reapers, fighting for possession of the whetstone, kill one another. Then, the one-eyed stranger offers his services to Baugi, impressing the landowner, since the stranger is strong and fast as nine men in one. When the harvest ends (within three days, that's how skilful he is), the drifter demands the Mead of Poetry in payment for his services. "You are Suttung's brother, after all..." After some well-deserved coaxing, Baugi takes up a drill and begins to bore through the door of the ice cave. When the hole is finished, the stranger (Odin, if you hadn't realized) turns into a one-eyed serpent and slithers into the cavern. Then, in the form of a dashing young man with a patch over his left eye, he approaches Gunnlaud, who is ecstatic to finally have some company. And that night, he deflowers her. The two of them manage to strike a deal: for each night of pleasure that Odin spends with the young giantess, the price will be a draught of the precious Mead. Three nights of love later, on the fourth day, quaffing Russian style, he drains each of the three kegs at one fell swoop (man, so much lovemaking makes one really thirsty...), then escapes through the hole in the shape of an eagle, with an infuriated Suttung, also in predatory avian form, hot on his talons. Thus, to fly lighter and easier, Odin drains himself of the Mead at both ends. Some of it falls into Midgard as eagle spew, and some as eagle poo. And, anywhere the Mead falls in either form, culture, knowledge, and creativity thrive among humankind, as a gift from the one-eyed god.
After so much violence, we may kind of tone down with some more innocent children's stories. Not only by Andersen, but also expurgated without any blood or guts. Yet, to quote Andersen and C.S. Lewis, these stories are not only for children, but also for reading adults to awaken... Shall we?
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When I was eight, in the year 2000, my dad gave me an ad usum adaptation (without any blood or guts) of Andersen's most famous stories (The Firelighter, The Little Mermaid, The Christmas Tree, The Ugly Duckling, The Tin Soldier, The Princess and the Pea...), illustrated by Cathie Shuttleworth. The translation, however, was not faithful to Nicola Baxter's source text, but a more or less free retelling by a Swedish translator called Ingrid Warne.
At a whopping sixteen pages long (the length of the longest story she had read for an eight-year-old!), the ad usum Snow Queen in this compilation was, together with Norse myths starring Loki, shonen anime like One Piece, Genesis's Nursery Cryme and Foxtrot, and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here, one of the works that shaped my tweenage years for reads and re-reads.
This is my English translation from Warne's Swedish of the Snow Queen in that collection. Together with the Lev Atamanov film, which I saw for the first time at Club Super 3 around the same year, it was my childhood introduction to this tale.
And thus, without further ado, I am proud to introduce:
THE SNOW QUEEN
Translated from the Swedish child-friendly adaptation by Ingrid Warne
into English by Sandra Dermark
(With vintage illustrations by Elizabeth Ellender)
0.
Maybe the secret of Andersen stories is that they he writes as if he were speaking out loud. Through this orality, we can hear his voice between the lines, how he tells his tales to friends, to little children.
I.
First, you ought to know a little about this wicked sorcerer and his mirror. In that mirror, everything turned hideous and frightening, and, if someone smiled at their own reflection, the only thing that could be seen was a sinister Cheshire-Cat grin. When people looked into the sorcerer's mirror, they said: "Ewww, how ugly and how wretched everything is! It does not pay at all to be kind..."
II.
In winter, their parents took the planter boxes indoors, and thus, Gerda and Kai had to run down all the stairs, and then up all the stairs across the street, if one of them wanted to visit the other. Sometimes, the snow whirled around the corners, and sometimes, little white snowflakes danced around.
Kai immediately understood that it was the Snow Queen. She was the loveliest sight he had ever seen, but, when she waved at him, he was frightened by the piercing cold look in her eyes. He turned his back to the windows and curled up in his warm bed. Right as he pulled the cover over his head, a dark shadow flew by outside the window.
Little to nothing could Kai know about the fact that a mirror shard had just lodged in his heart, and another, a splinter, in one of his eyes.
"Does it hurt much?" asked little Gerda in a friendly tone.
"Don't stand there gawking and looking at me like that!" Kai sneered. "Besides, I don't want to play with you anymore. You are stupid."
"But we were about to look at my new storybook," said an astonished Gerda.
The local bad boys found a frequent thrill in lassoing some horse-drawn carriage as they sat upon their sleds. Thus, they would set off and be pulled along through the streets at breakneck speed! As Kai was now looking around for the perfect carriage to hitch a ride on, he saw a two-horse open sleigh, pulled by two beautiful horses, in the middle of the Market Square. "That's the sleigh that shall pull me," Kai thought. And thus, he lassoed that carriage, and the sleigh set forth with such tremendous power that Kai was pulled off his sled, and had to cling to the back of the seat, behind the driver.
III.
But at home, little Gerda went about and mourned her playmate. Where could Kai have gone? People said that he was most likely dead, but Gerda refused to believe something that dreadful. As soon as springtime came, she donned her brand new red shoes and went forth to look for her missing friend.
Soon, she came to a wonderful orchard, where cherry trees stood in full bloom among the quaint little cottages. One of the doors opened, and there stood an old lady in a flowered straw hat. Her smile was so friendly that Gerda could not resist telling her about Kai, and how he had vanished without a trace.
And, without even donning her red shoes, she hastened away from the beautiful orchard. On she walked and walked.
IV.
Gerda asked the crow if he had seen Kai.
"Maybe I could," the crow began. "But he has forgotten you. All he can think of now is the princess."
And thus, he began to explain. The princess of the kingdom where Gerda and the crow were at the moment was very clever and learned. When she had read all the books in the castle library, she decided to look for someone she could marry. But it had not to be a twit at all!
The princess had an announcement printed in the press, and soon the castle courtyard was full of suitors, each one brighter than the other. But when they at last stood before the princess, they were so impressed both by her and by the golden throne she sat upon that they could not even breathe a word.
"Of course it was Kai!" Gerda gasped. "Now I must get to the castle and try to reach him there. But how could we do it?"
"I shall see what I can do," the crow promised before he flew away. In the evening, he returned: "My fiancée, the princess's pet who lives at the castle, will let us in through the back door."
In the end, Gerda found the royal bedchamber. There stood two beds; in one of them lay the princess, and in the other, a head of messy hair popped up from the covers. Gerda pulled the covers off the sleeping lad. Then, she saw that it was not Kai at all, but a young prince.
Gerda began to cry with such heart-rending sobs that she woke up both the prince and the princess. They felt sorry for the little maiden and decided to help her. They promised her new shoes and a carriage of gold. Two footmen were to drive Gerda further on through her quest.
V.
The robber maiden had a pet reindeer, that she rode into battle and wanted Gerda to say hello to. She had expected the robber maiden's fiery steed to be a pony or a little mule instead. The reindeer didn't appear to feel at home in the robbers' den, Gerda thought.
That night, she lay and listened to the owls who roosted and hooted high up there in the rafters. And, quite unexpectedly, one of them said:
"I have seen Kai, hoot hoot! It was last winter, and he flew with the Snow Queen in her carriage!"
The robber maiden heard the whole conversation as well, and, at the crack of dawn, she told Gerda:
"I shall set my reindeer free if he promises to carry you on his back all the way up north to Lapland." The reindeer took to high leaps of joy, and Gerda shed tears of elation. On that very same morning, she climbed up on the deer's back, and off they set forth.
"All right, this is Lapland. Don't you see my wonderful Northern Lights?"
VI.
Shortly afterwards, they found a little deerskin tent where they asked to spend the night. When the Saami woman who lived in that tent heard where they were heading, she replied:
"The Snow Queen's palace? It's a long way to go, for the palace is in the Finmark, near the North Pole. But I know a wise Finmark woman who surely will help you find the way."
The next day, they set off once more. Gerda carried a letter that she was to give the Finmark woman. Inside her tent, it was warm and cozy, in spite of the snowstorm raging outside. After a while, Gerda could take off her cloak, her hat, and her shoes. Then, she gave the message to the wise woman, who read it most carefully.
"If Gerda could only do magic!" the reindeer sighed mournfully. "Then, she could have forced the Snow Queen and get Kai back..."
"Little Gerda has no need for magic," the Finmark woman replied. "She has a kind heart, and that's all she needs. Kai is happy at the Snow Queen's only because his heart is frozen. And, furthermore, there's a shard of the sorcerer's mirror in one of his eyes."
The wise woman then turned to the reindeer and resumed:
"You shall carry Gerda to the Snow Queen's garden, and leave her there, by the holly bush with red berries."
Gerda climbed once more up to the reindeer's back. She forgot her cloak, her hat, and her shoes.
The reindeer did as the wise woman had told, even if he did not like at all the idea of leaving Gerda all alone there, without any warm clothes, in the middle of the snowstorm.
VII.
In a little oubliette, she finally found Kai. He walked about pushing large blocks of ice as if it were a rather meaningful duty that had been assigned to him.
"Oh, Kai!" Gerda called him.
But Kai merely kept on moving his blocks. He was as pale and frozen as a statue of ice.
Yet Gerda stormed forth towards him and clasped him in her arms. Tears of joy coursed down her cheeks and onto his chest, seeping straight into his heart and thawing the hard layer of ice.
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Another Andersen story I got to know was the first one in both the Nicola Baxter/Ingrid Warne collection and the original list of tales in official integral version. In English it is known as The Tinderbox, but I first got to know it in Swedish; and, in Scandinavian languages, the title ("Fyrtöjet" in Danish, "Elddonet" in Swedish) refers to any little device used to light fire. So a more appropriate translation would be "The Firelighter." Just think of a Zippo or any other classic period lighter... It's a pretty shorter story than that of the Snow Queen. It also has three big fat watchdogs (the heads of Cerberus?), a princess in a tower, parents who disapprove of her suitor, and it all starts with the aforementioned young man's descent into the underworld to retrieve the titular McGuffin...
THE FIRELIGHTER
Translated from the Swedish child-friendly adaptation by Ingrid Warne
into English by Sandra Dermark
A young soldier, home from the wars, came marching down the kingsroad: left, right, left, right! Soon, he came across an old crone.
"Do you see that dry well over there?
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MY FAVOURITE GENESIS SONGS
All of these Genesis songs had a profound impact, a very profound impact, upon my prepubescent mind as well. I will never forget the time dad bought Nursery Cryme at Auchan when I was but eleven, how enthralled I was with the picture of that girl who played croquet with severed heads, and how much that album means to me since then, ever since I was entranced by the tunes and the lyrics for the first time in my short life.
The Fountain of Salmacis
From a dense forest of tall, dark, pinewood
Mount Ida rises like an island
Within a hidden cave nymphs had kept a child
Hermaphroditus, son of gods, so afraid of their love
As the dawn creeps up the sky
The hunter caught sight of a doe
In desire for conquest
He found himself within a glade he'd not beheld before
Hermaphroditus:
"Where are you my father?
Give wisdom to your son"
Narrator:
"Then he could go no further
Now lost, the boy was guided by the sun"
And as his strength began to fail
He saw a shimmering lake
A shadow in the dark green depths
Disturbed the strange tranquility
Salmacis:
"The waters are disturbed
Some creature has been stirred"
Narrator:
"The waters are disturbed
The naiad queen Salmacis has been stirred"
As he rushed to quench his thirst
A fountain spring appeared before him
And as his heated breath brushed through the cool mist
A liquid voice called "Son of gods, drink from my spring"
The water tasted strangely sweet
Behind him the voice called again
He turned and saw her in a cloak of mist alone
And as he gazed, her eyes were filled with the darkness of the lake
Salmacis:
"We shall be one
We shall be joined as one"
Narrator:
"She wanted them as one
Yet he had no desire to be one"
Mount Ida rises like an island
Within a hidden cave nymphs had kept a child
Hermaphroditus, son of gods, so afraid of their love
As the dawn creeps up the sky
The hunter caught sight of a doe
In desire for conquest
He found himself within a glade he'd not beheld before
Hermaphroditus:
"Where are you my father?
Give wisdom to your son"
Narrator:
"Then he could go no further
Now lost, the boy was guided by the sun"
And as his strength began to fail
He saw a shimmering lake
A shadow in the dark green depths
Disturbed the strange tranquility
Salmacis:
"The waters are disturbed
Some creature has been stirred"
Narrator:
"The waters are disturbed
The naiad queen Salmacis has been stirred"
As he rushed to quench his thirst
A fountain spring appeared before him
And as his heated breath brushed through the cool mist
A liquid voice called "Son of gods, drink from my spring"
The water tasted strangely sweet
Behind him the voice called again
He turned and saw her in a cloak of mist alone
And as he gazed, her eyes were filled with the darkness of the lake
Salmacis:
"We shall be one
We shall be joined as one"
Narrator:
"She wanted them as one
Yet he had no desire to be one"
(Instrumental interlude; she goes straight for him and restrains him, he struggles to break free)
Hermaphroditus:
"Away from me cold-blooded woman
Your thirst is not mine"
Salmacis:
"Nothing will cause us to part
Hear me O gods"
Unearthly calm descended from the sky
And then their flesh and bones were strangely merged
Forever to be joined as one
Hermaphroditus:
"Away from me cold-blooded woman
Your thirst is not mine"
Salmacis:
"Nothing will cause us to part
Hear me O gods"
Unearthly calm descended from the sky
And then their flesh and bones were strangely merged
Forever to be joined as one
(Instrumental interlude; both characters are fused together)
The creature crawled into the lake
A fading voice was heard
"And I beg, yes I beg, that all who touch this spring
May share my fate!"
Salmacis:
"We are the one
We are the one"
Narrator:
"The two are now made one
Demigod and nymph are now made one"
Both had given everything they had
A lover's dream had been fulfilled at last
Forever still beneath the lake...
The creature crawled into the lake
A fading voice was heard
"And I beg, yes I beg, that all who touch this spring
May share my fate!"
Salmacis:
"We are the one
We are the one"
Narrator:
"The two are now made one
Demigod and nymph are now made one"
Both had given everything they had
A lover's dream had been fulfilled at last
Forever still beneath the lake...
(Chorus in a hallelujah mood)
Did you know?
- When I first heard the Genesis song, I learned a new classical myth that I didn't know before! I thought it was a secret, but it turned out that there are more people who know it!
- When I first heard the Genesis song, there was a word neither Dad nor I knew that we had to look up in our Swedish-English dictionary. It was the first time in my life I looked up a word: the verb "to quench," which still speaks of inquiry to me (but they'll never quench my thirst for knowledge).
- Another powerful female that Genesis introduced me to was Lilith, the zeroth woman (look up "Lilywhite Lilith" on YouTube).
- My obsession with Hermaphroditus and Salmacis took place from my 11th year of age to the 15th, during all of my puberty, until I had started bleeding. Then, I had discovered Othello in a reader in a local bookshop... Was all of that by chance?
Returning to Genesis, it's about time to talk Lilywhite Lilith, another femme fatale song that meant and still means A LOT for me. Maybe it was meant by chance, a decade before she learned to know the group: after falling out of love, a drunken thirty-something Sten Dermark, detached from Spanish wife and only child (who barely knew his face), accidentally shattered the first of the two discs in his Lamb Lies Down double LP. "Lilywhite Lilith" is the first song in Disc Two.
(commentary)
Lilywhite Lilith
The chamber was in confusion
All the voices shouting loud
I could only just hear
A voice quite near say:
"Please help me through the crowd"
Said if I helped her through
She could help me too
But I could see that she was wholly blind
But from her pale face
And her pale skin
A moonlight shined
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna take you through the tunnel of night
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna lead you right
When I'd led her through the people
The angry noise began to grow
She said "Let me feel
The way the breezes blow
And I'll show you where to go"
So I followed her into a big round cave
She said "They're coming for you
Now don't be afraid"
Then she sat me down
On a cold stone throne
Carved in jade
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna take you through the tunnel of night
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna lead you right
She leaves me in my darkness
I have to face
Face my fear
And the darkness closes in on me
I can hear a whirring sound
Growing near
I can see the corner of the tunnel lit up
By whatever's coming here
Two golden globes float into the room
And a blaze of white light
Fills the air...
All the voices shouting loud
I could only just hear
A voice quite near say:
"Please help me through the crowd"
Said if I helped her through
She could help me too
But I could see that she was wholly blind
But from her pale face
And her pale skin
A moonlight shined
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna take you through the tunnel of night
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna lead you right
When I'd led her through the people
The angry noise began to grow
She said "Let me feel
The way the breezes blow
And I'll show you where to go"
So I followed her into a big round cave
She said "They're coming for you
Now don't be afraid"
Then she sat me down
On a cold stone throne
Carved in jade
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna take you through the tunnel of night
Lilywhite Lilith
She gonna lead you right
She leaves me in my darkness
I have to face
Face my fear
And the darkness closes in on me
I can hear a whirring sound
Growing near
I can see the corner of the tunnel lit up
By whatever's coming here
Two golden globes float into the room
And a blaze of white light
Fills the air...
Finally, the twenty-minute epic Supper's Ready also meant a lot to my musical and literary education. Occupying half the length of the album Foxtrot, and divided into seven parts like The Snow Queen, it also spans several registers from action-packed battle through Carrollian whimsy to mystical communion and return back home, just like the Andersenian novella. And of course the cast (aside from the young male and female leads, we have Narcissus, the Pied Piper of Hamelin, Akhenaton... and even 666, who is no longer alone!!) is not for trifling either. Like the fox on the rocks --that human-bodied vixen in scarlet on an ice floe in the ocean, while the hunting party stands on the shore, in the cover of Foxtrot-- and the Musical Box --the first song in Nursery Cryme--.
(commentary)
Supper's Ready
i. Lover's Leap
Walking across the sitting-room
I turn the television off
Sitting beside you
Walking across the sitting-room
I turn the television off
Sitting beside you
I look into your eyes
As the sound of motor cars
As the sound of motor cars
fades in the nighttime,
I swear I saw your face change
It didn't seem quite right
And it's...
I swear I saw your face change
It didn't seem quite right
And it's...
Hello, babe
With your guardian eyes so blue
Hey, my baby
Don't you know our love is true?
Coming closer with our eyes
A distance falls around our bodies
Out in the garden
With your guardian eyes so blue
Hey, my baby
Don't you know our love is true?
Coming closer with our eyes
A distance falls around our bodies
Out in the garden
the moon seems very bright
Six saintly shrouded men
Six saintly shrouded men
move across the lawn slowly
The seventh walks in front
With a cross held high in hand
And it's...
The seventh walks in front
With a cross held high in hand
And it's...
Hey, babe
Your supper's waiting for you
Hey, my baby
Don't you know our love is true?
I've been so far from here
Far from your warm arms
It's good to feel you again
It's been a long long time
Hasn't it?
ii. The Guaranteed Eternal Sanctuary Man
I know a farmer who looks after the farm
With water clear, he cares for all his harvest
I know a fireman who looks after the fire
You, can't you see he's fooled you all?
Yes, he's here again
Can't you see he's fooled you all?
Share his peace,
Your supper's waiting for you
Hey, my baby
Don't you know our love is true?
I've been so far from here
Far from your warm arms
It's good to feel you again
It's been a long long time
Hasn't it?
ii. The Guaranteed Eternal Sanctuary Man
I know a farmer who looks after the farm
With water clear, he cares for all his harvest
I know a fireman who looks after the fire
You, can't you see he's fooled you all?
Yes, he's here again
Can't you see he's fooled you all?
Share his peace,
sign the lease
He's a supersonic scientist
He's the guaranteed eternal sanctuary man
Look, look into my mouth he cries
And all the children lost down many paths
I bet my life you'll walk inside
Hand in hand,
He's a supersonic scientist
He's the guaranteed eternal sanctuary man
Look, look into my mouth he cries
And all the children lost down many paths
I bet my life you'll walk inside
Hand in hand,
gland in gland
With a spoonful of miracle
He's the guaranteed eternal sanctuary
(We will rock you, rock you little snake)
(We will keep you snug and warm)
iii. Ikhnaton and Itsacon and Their Band of Merry Men
Wearing feelings on our faces while our faces took a rest
We walked across the fields to see the Children of the West
But we saw a host of dark-skinned warriors
With a spoonful of miracle
He's the guaranteed eternal sanctuary
(We will rock you, rock you little snake)
(We will keep you snug and warm)
iii. Ikhnaton and Itsacon and Their Band of Merry Men
Wearing feelings on our faces while our faces took a rest
We walked across the fields to see the Children of the West
But we saw a host of dark-skinned warriors
standing still below the ground...
Waiting for battle!
The fight's begun, they've been released
Killing foe for peace
Bang, bang, bang
Bang, bang, bang
And they're giving me a wonderful potion
'Cause I cannot contain my emotion
And even though I'm feeling good
Something tells me I'd better activate my prayer capsule
Today's a day to celebrate
The foe have met their fate
The order for rejoicing and dancing
Has come from our warlord
iv. How Dare I Be So Beautiful?
Wandering in the chaos the battle has left
We climb up the mountain of human flesh
To a plateau of green grass and green trees
Full of life
A young figure sits still by a pool
He's been stamped "Human Bacon" by some butchery tool
He is you...
Social Security took care of this lad
We watch in reverence,
Waiting for battle!
The fight's begun, they've been released
Killing foe for peace
Bang, bang, bang
Bang, bang, bang
And they're giving me a wonderful potion
'Cause I cannot contain my emotion
And even though I'm feeling good
Something tells me I'd better activate my prayer capsule
Today's a day to celebrate
The foe have met their fate
The order for rejoicing and dancing
Has come from our warlord
iv. How Dare I Be So Beautiful?
Wandering in the chaos the battle has left
We climb up the mountain of human flesh
To a plateau of green grass and green trees
Full of life
A young figure sits still by a pool
He's been stamped "Human Bacon" by some butchery tool
He is you...
Social Security took care of this lad
We watch in reverence,
as Narcissus is turned to a flower
(A flower?)
v. Willow Farm
If you go down to Willow Farm
To look for butterflies, flutterbies, gutterflies
Open your eyes, it's full of surprise, everyone lies,
(A flower?)
v. Willow Farm
If you go down to Willow Farm
To look for butterflies, flutterbies, gutterflies
Open your eyes, it's full of surprise, everyone lies,
like the fox on the rocks
and the Musical Box
Oh, there's Mum and Dad and good and bad
And everyone's happy to be here
There's Winston Churchill dressed in drag
He used to be a British flag, plastic bag, what a drag
The frog was a prince,
and the Musical Box
Oh, there's Mum and Dad and good and bad
And everyone's happy to be here
There's Winston Churchill dressed in drag
He used to be a British flag, plastic bag, what a drag
The frog was a prince,
the prince was a brick, the brick was an egg, the egg was a bird
(Fly away, you sweet little thing, they're hard on your tail)
Hadn't you heard?
(They're going to change you into a human being!)
Yes, we're happy as fish and gorgeous as geese
And wonderfully clean in the morning
We've got everything, we're growing everything
We've got some in, we've got some out
We've got some wild things floating about!
Everyone, we're changing everyone
You name them all, we've had them here
And the real stars are still to appear!
(All change!)
Feel your body melt
Mum to mud to mad to dad
Dad diddley office
Dad diddley office
You're all full of ball
Dad to dam to dum to mum
Mum diddley washing
Mum diddley washing
You're all full of ball
Let me hear your lies
We're living this up to the eyes
Ooee-ooee-ooee-oowaa
Momma, I want you now!
And as you listen to my voice
To look for hidden doors, tidy floors, more applause
You've been here all the time
Like it or not, like what you got
You're under the soil (The soil, the soil)
Yes, deep in the soil (The soil, the soil, the soil, the soil!)
So we'll end with a whistle
And end with a bang
And all of us fit in our places
vi. Apocalypse in 9/8 (Co-starring the delicious talents of Gabble Ratchet)
With the guards of Magog swarming around
The Pied Piper takes his children underground
Dragons coming out of the sea
Shimmering silver head of wisdom looking at me
He brings down the fire from the skies
You can tell he's doing well by the look in human eyes
Better not compromise, it won't be easy
666 is no longer alone
He's getting out the marrow in your back bone
And the seven trumpets blowing sweet rock and roll
Gonna blow right down inside your soul
Pythagoras with the looking glass
Reflects the full moon
In blood, he's writing the lyrics of a brand new tune
And it's Hey, babe
With your guardian eyes so blue
Hey, my baby
Don't you know our love is true?
I've been so far from here
Far from your loving arms
Now I'm back again
And babe it's gonna work out fine
vii. As Sure as Eggs Is Eggs (Aching Men's Feet)
Can't you feel our souls ignite
Shedding ever changing colours
In the darkness of the fading night
Like the river joins the ocean
As the germ in a seed grows
We've finally been freed to get back home
There's an angel standing in the sun
And he's crying with a loud voice
"This is the supper of the mighty one"
Lord of Lords, King of Kings
Has returned to lead his children home
To take them to the new Jerusalem
(Fly away, you sweet little thing, they're hard on your tail)
Hadn't you heard?
(They're going to change you into a human being!)
Yes, we're happy as fish and gorgeous as geese
And wonderfully clean in the morning
We've got everything, we're growing everything
We've got some in, we've got some out
We've got some wild things floating about!
Everyone, we're changing everyone
You name them all, we've had them here
And the real stars are still to appear!
(All change!)
Feel your body melt
Mum to mud to mad to dad
Dad diddley office
Dad diddley office
You're all full of ball
Dad to dam to dum to mum
Mum diddley washing
Mum diddley washing
You're all full of ball
Let me hear your lies
We're living this up to the eyes
Ooee-ooee-ooee-oowaa
Momma, I want you now!
And as you listen to my voice
To look for hidden doors, tidy floors, more applause
You've been here all the time
Like it or not, like what you got
You're under the soil (The soil, the soil)
Yes, deep in the soil (The soil, the soil, the soil, the soil!)
So we'll end with a whistle
And end with a bang
And all of us fit in our places
vi. Apocalypse in 9/8 (Co-starring the delicious talents of Gabble Ratchet)
With the guards of Magog swarming around
The Pied Piper takes his children underground
Dragons coming out of the sea
Shimmering silver head of wisdom looking at me
He brings down the fire from the skies
You can tell he's doing well by the look in human eyes
Better not compromise, it won't be easy
666 is no longer alone
He's getting out the marrow in your back bone
And the seven trumpets blowing sweet rock and roll
Gonna blow right down inside your soul
Pythagoras with the looking glass
Reflects the full moon
In blood, he's writing the lyrics of a brand new tune
And it's Hey, babe
With your guardian eyes so blue
Hey, my baby
Don't you know our love is true?
I've been so far from here
Far from your loving arms
Now I'm back again
And babe it's gonna work out fine
vii. As Sure as Eggs Is Eggs (Aching Men's Feet)
Can't you feel our souls ignite
Shedding ever changing colours
In the darkness of the fading night
Like the river joins the ocean
As the germ in a seed grows
We've finally been freed to get back home
There's an angel standing in the sun
And he's crying with a loud voice
"This is the supper of the mighty one"
Lord of Lords, King of Kings
Has returned to lead his children home
To take them to the new Jerusalem
(Place of Peace).
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MY FAVOURITE PINK FLOYD SONGS
Pink Floyd did not play as relevant a part as Genesis in my childhood, but still
Syd Barrett
Crazy Diamond commentary - threnody, requiem
Shine On You Crazy Diamond
Remember when you were young
You shone like the sun
Shine on you crazy diamond
Now there's a look in your eyes
Like black holes in the sky
Shine on you crazy diamond
You were caught in the crossfire
You shone like the sun
Shine on you crazy diamond
Now there's a look in your eyes
Like black holes in the sky
Shine on you crazy diamond
You were caught in the crossfire
of childhood and stardom
Blown on the steel breeze
Come on you target for faraway laughter
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr,
Blown on the steel breeze
Come on you target for faraway laughter
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr,
and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon
You cried for the moon
Shine on you crazy diamond
Threatened by shadows at night
And exposed in the light
Shine on you crazy diamond
Well you wore out your welcome
You reached for the secret too soon
You cried for the moon
Shine on you crazy diamond
Threatened by shadows at night
And exposed in the light
Shine on you crazy diamond
Well you wore out your welcome
with random precision
Rode on the steel breeze
Come on you raver, you seer of visions
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner,
Rode on the steel breeze
Come on you raver, you seer of visions
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner,
and shine!
Nobody knows where you are
How near or how far
Shine on you crazy diamond
Pile on many more layers
And I'll be joining you there
Shine on you crazy diamond
And we'll bask in the shadow
How near or how far
Shine on you crazy diamond
Pile on many more layers
And I'll be joining you there
Shine on you crazy diamond
And we'll bask in the shadow
of yesterday's triumph
Sail on the steel breeze
Come on you boy child,
Sail on the steel breeze
Come on you boy child,
you winner and loser
Come on you miner for truth and delusion,
Come on you miner for truth and delusion,
and shine!
Dark Side of the Moon - Lunatic Commentary
Brain Damage (The Lunatic)
The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path
The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade you make the change
You rearrange me till I'm sane
You lock the door and throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me
And if the cloud bursts thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon
"I can't think of anything to say except... Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"I think it's marvelous."
"Ha-ha-ha!"
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path
The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade you make the change
You rearrange me till I'm sane
You lock the door and throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me
And if the cloud bursts thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon
"I can't think of anything to say except... Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"I think it's marvelous."
"Ha-ha-ha!"
Eclipse
All that you touch
And all that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
And all that you love
And all that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
And all that you give
And all that you deal
And all that you buy,
beg, borrow, or steal
And all you create
And all you destroy
And all that you do
And all that you say
And all that you eat
And everyone you meet (everyone you meet)
And all that you slight
And everyone you fight
And all that is now
And all that is gone
And all that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon...
There is no dark side in the moon, really. Matter of fact, it's all dark.
And all that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
And all that you love
And all that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
And all that you give
And all that you deal
And all that you buy,
beg, borrow, or steal
And all you create
And all you destroy
And all that you do
And all that you say
And all that you eat
And everyone you meet (everyone you meet)
And all that you slight
And everyone you fight
And all that is now
And all that is gone
And all that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon...
There is no dark side in the moon, really. Matter of fact, it's all dark.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HAND IN HAND WITH GWENDOLINE
Andrew Lang, 1884 Oh, hand i hand med Gwendolinehan genom skogen går,som guld hans hår, så ungt hans sinnbland parkens gröna snår.När parkens grönska övergåtti grått liksom hans hårbort går han med sin Gwendoline,med hennes hand i sin. Översättning: Eva von Zweigbergk, 1960-tal As a kid, my father often sang me the Swedish translation of this little Victorian ballad. It was on a compilation of KLASSISKA SAGOR with Red Riding Hood on the cover. The Swedish version, translated by Eva von Zweigbergk, is also in the common meter or ballad meter form, making it equally singable to both "Auld Lang Syne" and "The Rains of Castamere."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOLKLORE FROM THE NORTH
KLASSISKA SAGOR was the title of the thick storybook in our place, the one where the Andrew Lang tale with this Gwendoline poem was written. The one with Red Riding Hood on the cover. But there were also folktales
NOW I'LL COME AND GET YOU!!
When I was a tween, my dad was a master at telling the story of the Three Billy Goats in Swedish, doing all the different voice impressions (and this, like Goldilocks, is an oral animal tale that relies heavily on doing one's bass and falsetto). He made quite a scary river troll and quite a fierce Big Billy Goat, with the gestures to support that booming voice of his.
SEVEN SISTERS GO SWIMMING (IN A FLOWER LAKE)
This story takes place in a woodland clearing so full of cornflowers, and bluebells, and forget-me-nots, that wave in the nothern summer breeze... that seven passing-by sisters from the nearby village take it for a rippling blue lake, and thus, they cast off all their clothes and take the plunge for a dry swim in the "lake" of flowers.
THE BABY BOAT
Some people from a landlocked shire visit a large, bustling port town (Gothenburg, Stockholm, Turku... it varies depending of the region) and, upon seeing a majestic three-mast clipper tugging at a little yawl, they assume (after discarding the guess that it's a mother whale and her calf) that it must be a mother boat with her baby boat. They have always wanted a three-master, but sadly cannot afford an "adult" clipper, so they purchase the yawl, the "baby boat," from the shipping company and take it with them inland, into their patch of countryside.
From that day onwards, they place the yawl in different meadows and pastures, and even in a stable during the winter, measuring the "baby boat" every single evening, yet their charge does not even grow half an inch.
RECIPE FOR NAIL SOUP
On a dark and stormy night, a weary peddler knocks at the door of a cottage. A sourpuss old maid opens the door with a frown, telling him harshly that this is not an inn. The travelling salesman knows she's no Madame Thénardier, but he needs to bring out the best in her, coaxing her to let him in with the premise that he will teach her the recipe for nail soup that he has learned on his journeys.
"All right, but you will have to sleep on the floor."
"Thank you, that offer is better than sleeping outdoors at this time! But first, let's make some of that delicious nail soup for supper! So put the water on the boil, madam."
She puts a cauldron over a red hot fire and they wait until the water boils. Then, after popping in a rusty old nail into the water, the peddler smirks and says to himself within earshot of the lady:
"If only you had a little flour, it would taste better."
The old maid runs off to the pantry and returns with a whole sack of flour, that she gradually stirs into the soup, following the peddler's instructions. After a while, when all the flour has been added, he tastes it once more and says:
"If only you had a little milk, it would taste better."
Cue the old maid racing off and returning with a bottle of milk.
"All right, but you will have to sleep on the floor."
"Thank you, that offer is better than sleeping outdoors at this time! But first, let's make some of that delicious nail soup for supper! So put the water on the boil, madam."
She puts a cauldron over a red hot fire and they wait until the water boils. Then, after popping in a rusty old nail into the water, the peddler smirks and says to himself within earshot of the lady:
"If only you had a little flour, it would taste better."
The old maid runs off to the pantry and returns with a whole sack of flour, that she gradually stirs into the soup, following the peddler's instructions. After a while, when all the flour has been added, he tastes it once more and says:
"If only you had a little milk, it would taste better."
Cue the old maid racing off and returning with a bottle of milk.
-------------------------------------------------------
AF KLINTBERG MIN VÄN
FROGMAN FRICASSÉ
In a very dry woodland in mid-summer, where and when bushfires are a frequent occurrence (I have heard Spanish and Australian versions of this story, as well as one set on the Swedish island of Öland), the charred remains of a frogman in full scuba gear, aqualungs and all, are found at the top of a charred pine, hanging like a macabre Christmas ornament half a year out of season.
Turns out that the frogman had been diving on the coast where the firefighting hydroplanes and hydrocopters refilled their tanks. He had been sucked into such a tank and released high above the flames...
THAI KIDNEY HOUSE MAFIA
Scandinavian tourists, frequently young and green, on a summer visit to a Southeast Asian country, are coaxed by so-called "activists" who speak broken Engrish to sign a petition, written in the language of that country, for "raising funds to save the rainforest (and/or the tigers, and/or the orangutans)".
MR. AND MRS. BATMAN
A concierge in the Norwegian town of Stavanger was, during the night shift, startled by sudden screams and thuds from upstairs, from a flat where a childless fortyish couple lived. After he had rung Emergencies and they had stormed into the couple's bedroom, they found the wife tied to a chair with sturdy ropes, dressed only in scanty underwear. On the floor at her feet lay the husband, unconscious, in a Batman costume, black mask and all.
Turns out that Mr. and Mrs. Batman were stuck in a rut, and trying a hand at bondage and roleplay. The cosplaying hero, standing upright on the bed and leaping off it, was supposed to swoop down upon the damsel and set her free. However, he had underestimated both his own lack of physical prowess and state of intoxication.
The Emergency services freed Mrs. Batman and reanimated her husband.
(Other versions of these botched randy shenanigans have the husband cosplaying as Superman, Tarzan, or the Phantom -a superhero quite popular in Scandinavia-.)
DIE HARD AND TRY HARDER
So it's this young man with a stroke of bad luck: girlfriend fell out of love, finds no job, expelled from University... thankfully, he has a water-tight plan. And, by water-tight, it means that the local river, strait, or fjord plays a major role. It's just as easy as going down to the bridge with a noose, a loaded pistol, and a box of Rohypnol.
PIRANHAS IN THE POND
In the park in Malmö, a dog owner is playing fetch with her pet on the shores of the artificial lake. The stick falls into the water, and the doggy swims in to fetch it... is pulled into the lake and begins to yelp... sinks as the water around bubbles and is dyed red... and that doggy never resurfaces.
It appears that some at least eccentric person has put piranhas in those ponds, and now they're a dangerous invasive species.
THE HEROIN BABY
On a plane back to Europe from Colombia, there is a young couple with their newborn baby on the young woman's lap. When a flight attendant approaches them,
THREE BUSINESSMEN AND A NUT
Three businessmen en route to an important conference suddenly get a flat tyre on a dark country road in the middle of nowhere. They do have a spare tyre; what is missing are the metal nuts to secure it in place. The accident happened to take place not far from a lunatic asylum, or nuthouse.
AN OVEN FULL OF LOVING
A young pâtissier takes a nap reclining against the oven... and does not awaken. His colleagues try to reanimate him, but in vain. They phone 112... and, a while later, they get the dreadful coroner's report that the young man had been oven-baked on the inside. All the vital organs in his abdomen were broiled.
EL SEÑOR DON GÂTEAU
Finally, I would like to call your attention to the tale of a young Spanish maid in a wealthy London household. The master and his lady are off to the opera and tell the maid to put the gâteau, assuming she knows that they are referring to the cake, in the freezer. They have a white Persian cat, which they love like the child they never had. Of course the Spanish maid has never heard the word "gâteau" in her short life, so she assumes, even though it might seem quite strange ("eccentric quirks of the masters," she thinks), that she has to put the "gato" in the freezer.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE KING OF HORROR
A CLOUD OF VERY SICK BATS
NEEDFUL THINGS
WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE (CHARLIE DID)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WEDDING CAKE TO HEAVEN
You know you are destined to make intertextuality your passion when an allusion to an epic in the novelisation of a film meant for adults leads you to borrow said epic from a local library as a kid. While the librarian looks at you in disbelief, with eyes like oranges.
This is exactly what happened to me as a kid, with an allusion to Dante's Purgatorio in the library scene of the novel of Se7en, which I perused at my bachelor uncle's in Gothenburg.
Cue me, the day after that, asking for Part the Second of the Divine Comedy at the Stenungsund Public Library!
____________________________________________________
THE MONSTER BOOK OF MONSTERS (by Edwardus Lima)
In those days I was, of course, the perfect age for being a novice Potterhead. And Grandad Lars, bless his soul, gave me the Swedish versions of all five of the books published so far. Now all of them were given to Ana Garcés except Goblet of Fire, my favourite, in spite of the fact that she cannot understand either written or spoken Swedish. The first book I gave to Ana was Order of the Phoenix, to use as a flower press, in my mid-teens: In between mourning Padfoot and cursing both Bellatrix and Umbridge, the Brick of the Phoenix (of the same size as a standard edition of Les Misérables) had become a nuisance that was only fit for pressing flowers and taking up a lot of space.
Nowadays, if I have to re-read, I peruse Rowling books at the nearest public library I can find.
quidditch
sweets
intro to youkai
mysteries
translation into swedish and spanish
the day padfoot died
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE KING OF HORROR
A CLOUD OF VERY SICK BATS
NEEDFUL THINGS
WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE (CHARLIE DID)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WEDDING CAKE TO HEAVEN
You know you are destined to make intertextuality your passion when an allusion to an epic in the novelisation of a film meant for adults leads you to borrow said epic from a local library as a kid. While the librarian looks at you in disbelief, with eyes like oranges.
This is exactly what happened to me as a kid, with an allusion to Dante's Purgatorio in the library scene of the novel of Se7en, which I perused at my bachelor uncle's in Gothenburg.
Cue me, the day after that, asking for Part the Second of the Divine Comedy at the Stenungsund Public Library!
____________________________________________________
THE MONSTER BOOK OF MONSTERS (by Edwardus Lima)
In those days I was, of course, the perfect age for being a novice Potterhead. And Grandad Lars, bless his soul, gave me the Swedish versions of all five of the books published so far. Now all of them were given to Ana Garcés except Goblet of Fire, my favourite, in spite of the fact that she cannot understand either written or spoken Swedish. The first book I gave to Ana was Order of the Phoenix, to use as a flower press, in my mid-teens: In between mourning Padfoot and cursing both Bellatrix and Umbridge, the Brick of the Phoenix (of the same size as a standard edition of Les Misérables) had become a nuisance that was only fit for pressing flowers and taking up a lot of space.
Nowadays, if I have to re-read, I peruse Rowling books at the nearest public library I can find.
quidditch
sweets
intro to youkai
mysteries
translation into swedish and spanish
the day padfoot died